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How to become l33t

How to become a l33t person, a status that will bring you friends, glory, money and most importantly the funding to buy lots and lots of boxen and give you access to what you want whenever you want


  1. What is l33t?
  2. Being l33t
  3. How to be l33t
  4. l33t food
  5. l33t terms
  6. Your Internet Connection
  7. l33t programs
  8. News sources
  9. The Desktop
  10. The Server
  11. Am I the most l33t person out there?
  12. When can I brag to my friends that I'm le3t?


1. What is l33t?

l33t means elite, the "best of the best". For some people, the n00bs, l33t and n00b means nothing. If you do not understand n00b and l33t, you are a n00b. n00bs are not allowed to read this page, go away!

2. Being l33t

l33t is all about pretending to be superior even though the obvious truth is that you are a geek who will probably never get a date. l33t people are not easy to spot, because they are never outside. Night after night they sit in front of their b0xen doing hacking and phreaking and most importantly coding, and this is the reason they sleep all day.

3. How to be l33t

  • Learn what eggdrop is and how to use it. You need lots of eggdrops.
  • The more shells you have, legal or not, the more l33t you become. All those shells should be used for running lots and lots of eggdrops. Also, shells can be used to hide your IP and identity when hacking the pentagon and d dosing RIAAs web server, both popular l33t activities.
  • Why do you need eggdrops? Don't ask.
  • You should be connected to four irc servers at all times. On irc, you should
    • Say "heh" a lot
    • Leet peope don't say lawl, roffle, roffluhmao or guh guh
    • Additionally they don't say stoofoo thux or kuhpluhz
  • x86 is not enough. You need to use more than an x86 processor. dse

4. l33t food

What you eat when no one is looking is totally unimportant. What is very important, is that your workspace, wherever it may be, is filled with empty pizza boxes and empty bottles that previously contained something with lots and lots of caffeine.

<BigJoe> that is not my work station btw

5. l33t terms

To really become l33t, you need to learn and understand the l33t language.

  • box: Every computer is a box. Your computer is not a "Pentium" or a "Dell" or anything like that. It's simply a box. Like the eggdrops, you need lots and lots of b0xen. Why, when you are the only one who will be using them and you only got two arms and eyes? It's obvious. The more boxen, the more l33t.
  • OS: Your favorite OS is Free BSD, even if you are using some Linux flavor. Saying things like "I prefer Gentoo Linux on my desktop but use Free BSD on my server" is good. Saying "I only use Windows to play games but I'm really a Linux fan" is very stupid and bad and will make everyone call you a n00b forever.
  • pr0n: what you watch on your 21 inch display while you jerk your 2.1 inch pecker, for the most l33t this is the most exercise you will get all day
  • 0wned:
    1. what happens to n00bs, RSA, DOD and the RIAA's "b0xen", for the l33t the physical equivalent of this is being anally assaulted with pine combs
    2. what you do to windows and lindows b0xen
    3. what is bound to happen sooner rather than later if you are using Internet Explorer
  • b0xen: plural of box .. see above
  • fork bomb: code or commands you should be aware of but never ever execute because they will totally lock your system. Tempt n00bs (but never recommend) to run things like :() { :|: & } ; :.
  • whore:
    • foo> anyone have ebooks on php with mysql?
    • bar> Sams.Teach.Yourself.PHP.MySQL.And.Apache.In.24Hours.eBook-LiB, Premier.Press.PHP.Fast.And.Easy.Web.Development.2nd.Edition.eBook-LiB, MASTERING.PHP.5-JGTiSO
    • foo> bar: could i whore it?
    • bar> sure
    • walmart> whore it
    • walmart> hahahhah
  • r00ted (badly mis-spelled rewted), refer to 0wned.

6. Your Internet Connection

All the boxen you administrate use IPv6 only, but are still able to access the old Internet through a IPv6 to IPv4 proxy running on your firewall(s). This is done by using Trick Or Treat Daemon (DNS proxy for 6to4) and Portable Transport Relay Translator Daemon (enables connections between your internal IPv6 hosts and the outside IPv4 world).

7. l33t programs

On your quest for l33t-dom, you must learn everything about the following programs:

  • BNC (BouNCe) is used as a gateway between you and your IRC Server. psyBNC is a popular BNC. You need this for two apparent reasons:
    1. You can present yourself as linda19@sex.is.only.onestepcloser.org on #teenchat and talk about your dark secrets using thisis@fake.info.tm.
    2. evil bastards can not trace your local IP. They can, however, pressure your shell provider to rat on you.
  • Eggdrop An IRC bot extensible with C or Tcl.
  • Screen (manual page) is a full-screen window manager that multiplexes a physical terminal between several processes. This means you can ssh login to a remote computer, start screen, start a process (like the irc client irssi), detach screen and logout. The process continues to run and you can log back in later from any location and reattach the screen.
  • tcpdump (manual page) A Tool for network monitoring and data acquisition
  • nmap (manual page) A tool for scanning RIAAs webservers for open ports. Can also be used to check your own security.
  • iptables (manual page) & ip6tables (manual page) to protect yourself against evil people

You should be running the latest, no, upcoming versions of all software, all with a ton of special fancy patches you claim will give you a very important advantage when it comes to increaseing your shareholder value.

Your kernel is 2.6.45-test22-prerelease or similar.

7.1. Required Gentoo Programs

Gentoo users should have atleast these programs installed:

emerge gentoolkit genlop ufed mirrorselect screen tcpdump nmap

8. News sources

You must read:

.. and atleast 5 blogs.

9. The Desktop

You don't need a desktop. Your environment should be a plain old shell on vt1. You consider "GUI" over-rated. Since you are so good at configuring your kernel you have frame buffer support for your new graphics card using a patch googled up from some dark cellar. You play your movies with mplayer and music with mpg321.

Your IRL desktop should have LOTS of monitors even though they are all running CLI.

10. The Server

Your servers definitely should not have any desktop or X or at all remotely GUI or user-friendly software installed at all. In fact, all servers should be headless (=no monitor). Your server should only be connected to power and as many Ethernet cables as possible, simply drop silly gadgets like keyboard and mouse.

The servers are running Free BSD. Even if you are using Debian or Gentoo or some other Linux distribution you should tell people you are using Free BSD. Remote users can't tell the difference anyway.

11. Am I the most l33t person out there?

No, you are NOT. bysin is. nux is. And lude. Again: Not you. You are nothing but a phony n00b.

  • lude: not if you intend to rotate them on a regular basis as well... for 25 servers and 80 workstations ;)
  • <@lude> You are talking to the wrong hombre
  • * lude admins 40 switches and 950 servers

Other acknowledged leet people include invisible evil, mina, BigJoe, thrasher7, kitchen, ShALLaX, ivern and andi. Again: Not YOU (unless you read your nick during the last 10 seconds).

To finish up your leet lesson, please read The Counter-Strike Bible

12. When can I brag to my friends that I'm le3t?

Never. The truly l33t would never say it or even consider themselves as l33t. You are 1337 when people, without being asked or bothered about it, tells you that you are.

Learn More:

Good luck!

(The winner of the "messy desk contest" at bash.org)


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